An alcoholic is to drink more than you.

Some women can not find a husband only because she does not like drunk men but clearly does not like her.

The three friends are seated in an inn, and taken big.
The first story:
- I am your wife a gift from my machines, such as from zero to a hundred is six seconds!
Other:
- What is that?
The first proud:
- Porschel
Second:
- It's punk, I am your wife a gift from my machines, such as from zero to a hundred uzrauj in five seconds!
Other:
- What is that?
Second proudly:
- Of course, Ferrari!
Third:
- And I for his wife a gift from my machines, such as from zero to a hundred to go in one second!
Other:
- Nemuldi, the car is not.
Third:
- Why did the car at once? I told her a gift from my weights.

The husband complains seksologam:
- Doctor, neighbor John says, could overnight eight times. I can only three ...
Seksologs:
- Open your mouth! Izbāziet the tongue and say: Oh!
Husband opened. Seksologs examined him and says:
- OK, veriet hard. Do not see any organic or functional changes, which would tell you the same, which says Janis.

Talk to the horse and donkey.
Horse:
- We, the horses are man's best friends: preferential his job, his life izdaiļojam is useful both during the war, both in daily life or on vacation!
Jackass:
- It has it all ... But you have crowds of machinery, but the donkey never count was not reduced.

Husband teaches wife drive a car:
- If the sight of green light, come, if the red - steep, but if you see that I get voice, immediately press the brakes!

First class. Children learn to read.
The teacher leads children to name words that begin with the letter P. Children are lifted manually Pēterītis particularly sporty.
The teacher:
- You, Pēterīt stopovers in hand! Your parents have not yet come to school on the letter D!

Court. On being convicted of rape 85-year-old gray-haired.
The judge read the case:
- The accused, 10. For the 21:15 o'clock, you Bulduros izvarojāt students Bērziņu, 22 o'clock Pardaugava izvarojāt seller Liepiņu, but at 23:20 Ulbroka izvarojāt pastnieci Krumina. Explain the court, as it happened. How this is possible?
The accused:
- What's there to do, but my motorcycle is ...

Father with sons entering the pharmacy. Son of a condom is stopped at the stand and asked the father:
- Tet, who they are?
Father explains:
- These are the condom, designed for safer sex.
Son:
- Tet why there is a sachet of three condoms?
Father:
- This package is free to people: Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Son:
- And why there is a six pack in a condom?
Father:
- This is for lovers: two Friday, two Saturday, two Sunday.
Son:
- Tet, but who is the packet of twelve condoms?
Father:
- So, son, is a married couple, one January, one February, March, one ...

Trains meet for two long neredzējušies friends. One asks the other:
- Where to go?
Another:
- On his summer home, about a drink of beer. The doctor said that a little can.
First:
- Oh, remember your summer home. The neighbor Gaius about a drink?
Second:
- No, not with Peter a little.

Two men seated on the beer in the restaurant. One sees that the other ordered the oysters, and says:
- You are both the risk to beer uzkozdams oysters. I once did, and so after weeks of nogulēju hospital.
First:
- It turned the old? Are you the nesaodāt when vērāt open?
Second:
- How, then they should address or open?

- Want to adopt a baby English.
- Why?
- When he begin to speak, from his study to English language.

- What about this guy, what you're brought te?
Their daughter:
- The mummy is my next husband first!

She:
- You really want to marry me?
He:
-Yes!
She:
- But you know me but just three days!
He:
- No, I know you have already two years since I started to work in a bank, where money is stored on your father!

FAN wash the floor. Meanwhile, mother-in-law was sleeping on the sofa and watching. FAN asks:
- Well, how?
Mother-in-law:
- No, not right.
FAN is added to a variety of detergents, izberž all corners, and again asks mother-in-law:
- Well, how?
Mother-in-law:
- No, not right ...
It is repeated several times in a row, while the daughter does not pass and angrily scream:
- Well as? As needed?
Mother-in-law quietly:
- Vienalga as, but not so.